writing your feelings down...

can be helpful and painful all at the same time...

Ashlee had another writing assignment she had to do. They had to write any piece of work they could think of and share with each other in class. Ashlee had a hard time thinking of something and then all of a sudden the words just flowed onto the paper.

Here is the Poem she wrote...

Daddy's Girl

I try to find a way to lie, about a home I'll never see.

Hiding behind a portrait of a perfect family lays a shattered soul.

Why doesn't he see me like he does her?

I'm his daughter too or does he not realize?

With open eyes I try to see, just what is so special about her and not me.

Why does the other get more love and affection?

When empty hugs is all I receive.

Daddy-daughter events he does not show.

Many times I try to be the very best of me.

But none of it was good enough.

And that is why,

I am not daddy's girl.

I struggled if I should post this poem or not...what happened was Craig accidentally read this and his feelings were hurt. He said he felt real small but on the other side he felt Ashlee's poem was written real well. When I read this I began to cry. I cried for Ashlee, I cried for Craig and I cried for Jessie. "Her" in the poem is referring to Jessie.

For those who don't know me and my family Jessie is our 3rd child with cerebral palsy. She is unable to walk, talk and take care of herself. She is totally dependant on us for everything she needs in life.

Craig didn't realize he was making Ashlee feel this way. We know if Jessie was a typical child then she too would get into trouble like the other 3. Craig tries to be involved in Ashlee's life, but when he does, he's getting to involved. As the old saying goes... damned if you do and damned if you don't.

Ashlee had to read this poem in front of the class. After all he students were done the teacher told them to write a letter to the person who inspired them the most. Ashlee received letters from four of her classmates. They all too had similar feelings about someone in their family. They advised her to keep her chin up and that her piece helped them out. Ashlee realized at that time she was not the only one who felt this way.

This reminds me of one of my favorite Disney movies... Mulan. Mulan faces the the same issue. She doesn't feel her father is proud of her, but in the end her father is very proud of her for being his daughter. (I cry every time I see this movie) I hope Ashlee will see that in her own father some day.

Over all, We will use this experience and learn from it. Ashlee was able to get her feelings out and not keep them bottled up. It's not good to keep things bottled up because then the situation becomes worse. This will allow her to heal and try to develop a relationship with her father.

Ever since she wrote this poem I have noticed a difference between her and her father. They have had "adult" conversations about many different things. Hopefully this has broken the ice between Ashlee and Craig.